Age and time...

I know I have other issues to get to but this is what's been on my mind for at least the last few days.

First, the middle week of June is a difficult one for me. My father would have turned 66 on the 14th, instead it marks nearly 8 years since he passed away. Usually his birthday falls very close to Father's Day. This year it is separated by a full week, which I believe is the furthest apart it ever gets. Father's Day to me has always been a dichotomy and now that I have been a father for almost 9 years I guess it's a trichotomy if that is even a word. My earliest memories of Father's Day are of pain and loss, a father that left in the truest sense of the term. Today I know that you may not be in the same place as your children but you can always be PRESENT. The second Father's Day for me is one of gratitude and thanks for the man that chose to be by father. Now more than ever I feel that gratitude and look to carry on that legacy he has given me. The third, Gil as a Dad is more difficult. I think because of my original feelings on Father's Day and its proximity to my biological father's birth I would try to push it out of my head and say its not really a 'day for me'. I'm still not comfortable with it. I like days about 'other people'. I'm a pretty good giver and I like focusing on someone else's happiness and thus getting joy from seeing them smile at my thoughtfulness. As TIME marches forward I think I need to re-focus that lens and try to receive Father's Day differently, for me.

So where does all this tie in (notice the cute father's day pun of TIE)? Maybe it won't but by now you know that I just type and type.

Back to TIME, last week I was STUCK in the Dallas airport for 18+ hours with not much to do but sit in the Crown Room and contemplate life. Sure I watched a movie and even used the restroom, but basically it was the worst 'holding pattern' I could remember in a LONG time and it made me think about TIME and how much of it we waste in our life on petty shit. In fact time wasting has actually become a 'pasttime for people'. Don't believe me? GOOGLE 'time wasters' and all you get are hits for games and sites for you to actually WASTE TIME. Fuck - I want just the exact opposite (pardon my french). I don't want to waste any more time.

I am now 40. Do I feel 40? I have no idea. I know I don't feel like I thought 40 would feel. I still love to goof around, I like current music which makes the kids happy, despite two major knee reconstructions I run, play golf and am getting ready to play basketball again. When I was in my 20's I looked at 40 as old and sometimes I wonder do I come off that way to that same 'demo' now. The biggest thing about being 40 seems to be the realization that if life were a bell curve I am no longer on the 'climb'. Though it doesn't mean that I can't still reach higher heights!

How do the concepts of AGE and TIME collide?

Pretty simple. There are so many things I wish to do, experience and accomplish. What I have come to accept is that I don't have time for 'time suckers', 'time wasters' or 'haters'.

MY father died at 57. I can't imagine only having 17 years left on this planet, but if I do I want to make the best of it. I don't want to 'live each moment to its fullest', I want to 'LIVE IN EACH MOMENT'. I want to be able to look around and see it for what it is, enjoy the experience or even hate the experience but use that to make future experiences that much better.

AGE is truly but a number. I know 35 year olds that have given up and are resigned to a life less ordinary and I have friends in their mid 20's that have a lifetime ahead of them and they see all that life can offer them. My hope is to try and help rescue the 35 year old while being able to jump on the ride with the mid 20's and let them see, through experience, how many ways this life can be enjoyed.

Is 40 the new 30? Probably not, but 40 is me. Its active, fun and looking forward to the next 40 and not back on what the first 40 'should' have been.

Age and time...I hope they are both on my side and those around me get the chance to see that and while things might not be 'ideal' from a fairy tale perspective, they can be pretty spectacular in the moment and on in to the future if your mind and heart is open.