Creative Writing Assignment #2

Here is the assignment and my first pass. As I told my 'editor' and friend I might rewrite this one with several different stories but this was my first pass:

Loretta and Mick were driving down a lonely highway one winter night. The car hit something, making a loud noise. Loretta and Mick bickered about whether he was driving drunk or not, then they got out to see what was hit. They peered into the darkness, seeing nothing.

Rewrite this episode, showing what happens. You should stick to these events and stick to the start and end point, but you may add in anything you like. Turn this into a scene that unfolds moment by moment. It will probably include some dialogue. Also strive to include descriptions that are specific and sensory.


Loretta and Mick are driving down a lonely highway one winter night. Like most nights in this part of the world darkness is total. With only Mick’s headlights to guide them and the wind and snow blowing around them, Mick’s cherry red ‘vette (his REAL love) feels more like a coffin with each passing moment. They weave down the center line crossing through imaginary gates like a downhill skier.

The night has gone all wrong for Loretta. She was hopeful that tonight they could start over, find the common ground that their relationship once had. By 11:00 Loretta knew that Mick was drinking too much. Loretta knew all the signs, she watched a parent slip into the cocoon of alcohol as a child. She still loved Mick, but now, 10 years later she was tired, exhausted actually, and the love she feels has turned into anger, self pity and guilt over how she has let her life get this way.

Loretta asks Mick to slow down, she even offers to drive. Mick scoffs, “as if I would let you drive my baby”. Loretta steams inside but knows better than to carry on any further at this point, in her mind she keeps repeating “just get me home safely so I can kiss MY babies and hopes the pain and lonely feeling dissipates, if even for a little while”.

Mick could feel the tension in the air as well. He knows all of the issues and his role in how the way things are turning out. He knows he is out of control with the drinking, he loathes how he feels but nothing else dulls the pain. He has tried focusing on his job and then getting back in shape and even went out of his way to spend extra time with the boys but even in those moments of pleasure there was always the haunting in the back of his mind.

Mick knows all the buttons to push on Loretta yet can’t stop himself, like the driving the car comment --- he knows he shouldn’t be driving; he trusts Loretta yet the crazy shit just comes out. His mind starts to drift, he too knows they love each other but wonders how did they get here and is there too much damage done.

Mick shakes his head to clear his mind so that he can focus on the road. Fifteen miles from home and he knows the weather is getting worse as they near the coast and his head is now pounding and feverish. He rounds a big curve and his eyes begin to close. Quietly, hoping Loretta doesn’t notice, Mick slaps his left cheek to keep himself awake, as his left hand returns to the wheel the car slides across the pavement and they hear the sickening sound of metal crunching the front end of the sports car.

Mick pulls over and the two share a glance that is filled with fear and concern. They open their doors and peer into the darkness and see nothing.